The 10 Steps of Essay Writing

This week has absolutely flown by. When did it become Sunday, where did it go? 

My week has essentially been a flurry of essays and oh me oh my have I absolutely smashed them out. Today is going to be a quick post because I have 300 words left to do and then the rest of the day to a) mentally prepare for Leonardo DiCaprio to grace my screen tonight b) mentally prepare for The Oscars in general, my fave night of the year. (Other than Christmas Eve, obvs) 

So here is the process of every human being, at school or at university, in their first or third year when writing an essay. 

1) It's important to dedicate some time to not doing the essay before you actually start. This involves sitting at your desk with a notepad out, watching Making a Murderer/Grey's Anatomy/anything ever.

2) The reading commences, read read read and before you know it you have 30 tabs open with no  idea what any of them contain. But you opened them, so they must hold some use.

3) Make appropriate hot drink to accompany sifting through and narrowing down relevant tabs. Don't get distracted by ASOS.

4) Decide all of that hard work requires a reward. Usually food and a break. Usually chocolate and internet shopping and/or netflix.

5) The panic. You realise the essay is due in within the next 24/48/72 hours (depending on your level of procrastination) and you get pumped. I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL DO THIS.

6) Obvs only start on the hour, because then you can manage time effectively and then still have 23 minutes to watch Leonardo DiCaprio vimeos.

7) Large mug of tea? Check. Biscuits? Check. Time to start writing the essay.

8) Introduction done. 300 words written = 30 minute break. Everyone knows your brain can only truly work properly in hour segments. You're taking safety precautions.

9) Recommence. Blitz through it. Realise you're actually a secret genius. Why did it take so long to get started?? You are so good at this. Refrences shmeferences, that's your motto.

10) Hand it in. Don't read through it. Reading through it brings fear. Reading through it means you know in advance if you're going to fail. It's better to be blissfully ignorant.

Ciao for Now!


  1. The end truly got me cracking up lol
    Better to be blissfully ignorant is right!

  2. Hahaha the level of accuracy in this post is completely wonderful! I love it
    Fellow student applause!

  3. you got me, badass. nice post ;)